Yeah, YOU try to find a good picture of THIS Jose Bautista.
No, not “Joey Bats” as people lamely call the really good, home-run-hittin’ Jose Bautista. We’re talking the original. We’re talking Jose Joaquin (Arias) Bautista. A man who pitched in parts of nine MLB seasons, and had very little success anywhere but Chicago. A man who went 32-42 in 49 career starts with a 4.62 ERA and 1.317 WHIP. But a man who was pretty brilliant in two seasons with the Cubs. “Joey Can’t Miss Bats” grabs a spot in the rotation of the Best Bad Cubs Team of My Time.
Bautista was originally signed by the New York Mets after being drafted in 1981 at the tender, hormonally-confusing age of 16. Bautista was inconsistent in the minors, probably because he was so busy focusing on getting his driver’s license and a prom date. As such, the Mets left him unprotected, and he was selected by the Baltimore Orioles in the 1987 Rule 5 draft. Would he be the next Johan Santana or the next Lendy Castillo? I SHALL GIVE YOU THREE GUESSES.
As Rule 5 drafts often find themselves when their new franchise can’t invent enough fake injuries, Bautista was on the 1988 roster. He made his MLB debut on April 9, 1988 when Cal Ripken Sr.’s Orioles visited the Cleveland Indians. Holy shit, guys. Julio Franco was in the starting lineup for the Indians, and he was already a seven-year, twenty-nine-year-old veteran. Mike Boddicker started for the Orioles and got lit up, surrendering five earned runs in just an inning and two-thirds. Bautista eventually came on in middle relief. He went 3.2 innings and gave up seven hits and three earned runs. But, hey, at least he wasn’t as bad as Boddicker? The Indians pounded the Orioles 12-1, anyhow, so it’s not like Bautista was there for anything but mop-up work. Mop-up work in the fourth game of the season.
Despite being stuck on the roster, Bautista pitched decently for the 1988 Orioles. Although he went 6-15, he had a 4.30 ERA and 1.258 WHIP in 25 starts. When the Orioles were no longer forced to roster him for his next three seasons in Baltimore, the results weren’t as good. From 1989-1991, he went 4-5 with a 5.56 ERA and 1.382 WHIP, mostly out of the bullpen. That was enough for the Orioles, as they let Bautista head to the Kansas City Royals in free agency. Bautista spent all of the 1992 season in the Royals’ minor league system, where he posted an unimpressive 4.88 ERA and 1.408 WHIP.
The Royals let Bautista walk, and the Cubs signed him prior to the 1993 season. You guys remember that offseason, right? There was some guy named Greg Maddux who pitched for the Cubs. But Cubs GM Larry Himes got in a pissing contest with Maddux’s much-reviled agent Scott Boras. But that’s cool, because that freed up the Cubs to MAKE IT RAIN for guys like Jose Bautista, Jose Guzman, Dan Plesac, and Candy Maldonado! In conclusion, if you have the most-read Cubs blog on the internet and you’re bitching and moaning about Hoyerstein not doing enough to “win now,” everyone hates you and wants you to die alone sooner rather than later.
So, yeah, Cubs fans were pretty pissed about losing Maddux, but that wasn’t Bautista’s fault. In fact, he was pretty goddamn awesome for the 1993 Cubs. In 111.2 innings and seven starts, Bautista went 10-3 with a 2.82 ERA, a career-high 140 ERA+, and a 1.182 WHIP. Bautista even tossed a complete game and saved two games for the 1993 Cubs. He took a bit of a step back in 1994, but he was still effective exclusively out of the bullpen, where he went 4-5 with a 3.89 ERA and 1.327 WHIP. The problem for the Cubs was that Bautista had pitched in 40 innings fewer than 1993 and given up only 5 fewer earned runs. So they let him go after the 1994 season.
As his career wound down, Bautista signed contracts with the San Francisco Giants, Detroit Tigers, and St. Louis Cardinals. He had a 5.18 ERA in two years with the Giants. In 1997, he started the season with the Tigers by posting a 6.69 ERA until he was released and picked up by the Cardinals, where he did about the same with a 6.57 ERA. His last appearance was in a fourteen-inning game on September 25, 1997 in St. Louis. Bautista threw two scoreless innings of relief for the Cardinals against the Cincinnati Reds in a 4-3 Cardinal loss.
Here’s a fun(?) fact for you. Bautista is Jewish. I bet you didn’t see that coming, RACIST. Apparently, there are around 300 Jews (soft “J”) in the Dominican Republic, and Bautista is one of them. Nowadays, if you want to thank Jose for his 1993 season, you can find him in North Carolina, where he is the pitching coach for the single-A Kannapolis Intimidators.
Greatest Cub Moment: The Cubs weren’t in a pennant race toward the end of the 1993 season, but the Giants sure as hell were, and the stink of the 1989 postseason was still clinging to the uniforms of many of the Cubs. On September 14, 1993 (hey there, 20-year anniversary of this game!) Jim Lefebvre sent Bautista to the mound in San Francisco. Dusty Baker countered with current Cub TV analyst Jim Deshaies. The Cubs chased Deshaies early with a three-run, four-hit top of the fourth inning. On the other side of the field, Bautista was incredible. He threw only 98 pitches in a one-run, five-hit complete game. His only significant blemish was a leadoff, fifth-inning home run by Royce Clayton in an 8-1 Cub win.
Worst Moment as a Human: It’s a good thing Bautista had that nice start in San Francisco. The start immediately before was in Philadelphia against disappointment-to-everyone-including-his-parents Danny Jackson. Jackson was awful, but Bautista was awful-er. He lasted only an inning and a third, giving up six earned runs on two walks and five hits, including a three-run homer by Ponzi-scheming Lenny Dykstra. The Cubs dropped a 10-8, 29-hit mess to the Phillies.
